Mario Pitches a Tent
by Afrohawk
Summary: Mario and pals decide to take their party to the great outdoors! But with no one from the Mushroom Kingdom watching, this time around the party is wilder than ever!
1. Chapter 1

**Mario Pitches a Tent**

**Chapter 1: Preparing the Grounds**

AN: Wow I haven't written fanfiction in a while. Uh. Hi! In case the comic description didn't…SKIP THIS FOR NOW I GUESS.

* * *

It was a bright and sunny day in the Mushroom Kingdom. The birds were singing and delivering the mail, the sun wasn't trying to kill anyone, and all was right with the land. Mario had just awoken to this beautiful day and decided that it was time for another of his world famous parties!

"But where to go?" pondered Mario as he jumped out of bed and broke the ceiling block for the third time this week. "I know everyone loves my parties but perhaps I should do something different this time to keep things fresh. Maybe back to the Delfino Islands? Or perhaps space? Hmmmm…"

He considered dozens of places, times and even dimensions that he could take his party to but decided that all of them would just be too much of the same. Being a man who's travelled through all over the world, time, and space, Mario could not decide what would bring the special sauce back to the party. Mario decided to ask Luigi for some suggestions for the next party.

Mario walked out of his bedroom and toward Luigi's room when he heard Luigi talking to someone on the phone.

"…well I don't want it up mine!" exclaimed Luigi. "…Yes. Yes I know. We should definitely figure out something. We can't keep doing the same things forever." Mario nodded. Luigi paused for a few moments before continuing. "What? You want to try outside? Hm…well, that could work...but maybe somewhere less populated? Like in a forest or a jungle. We could just take a trip there and…right! Exactly. It'd be great! No one would know about it."

It was at that moment inspiration struck Mario! He then smashed Luigi's bedroom wall, completely startling Luigi, and hugged his brother with loving force.

"You've given be the best idea, Luigi! Thank you!" said Mario as he jumped out of Luigi's window head first. Luigi sat there perplexed for a moment before hearing the faint "hello" noises coming from the phone still in his hand.

Luigi responded, "Daisy? Yeah. I think he's starting another party. Put some clothes on, you're probably going to get teleported. Yeah…yeah we're going to have to put off the trip for now."

Luigi then hung up the phone and before he could get off of his bed, he heard a whistle from outside and was instantly sucked through a wormhole. There he saw creatures of horror as abomination after abomination whizzed past his face. Of course, Luigi didn't care because this has happened every time Mario has started a party so he just yawned and waiting for the wormhole to dump him out wherever Mario wanted to have his party.

After 7 or 8 minutes of this, the wormhole opened up again and dumped him right outside of his own house where he landed on his face right next to Mario. Immediately after his crash, several more wormholes opened and out popped Peach, Daisy, Wario, Waluigi, Toad, Toadette, Yoshi, and Birdo, all who landed on their feet in decked out forestry gear.

"Waaah?!" Wah'd Wario, wondering what was going on. "What's going on?! I was in the middle of my mid-mid-day money bath!"

"Yoshi?" said Yoshi.

"-unintelligible screams of pure horror-" said Birdo.

"Darn it! We were just about to defeat Kandrana, the evil Dragon Wizard who's been terrorizing our village for weeks with plagues of coins that we can't tell if they're real or not!" yelled Toad.

"One more hit and we could've been rich beyond our wildest dreams!" screamed Toadette.

"Are you ever going to land on your feet Luigi?" said Daisy, helping Luigi up.

"I don't even care anymore," said Luigi as he dusted himself off. "Alright Mario, what's going on?" Just as Luigi said this, a final wormhole opened up and a giant, flaming bus with horns on the front of it appeared right in front of Mario.

"Pack your bags everyone!" said Mario triumphantly. "We're going camping!"

* * *

Prologue is over! Hopefully that wasn't too bad, I'm a bit rusty but once things start picking up I'll get back into the swing of things.


	2. Chapter 2

**Mario Pitches a Tent**

AN: Welcome back ladies and gents! Good to see some feedback from some people as to how I'm doing so far. Someone asked if there would be fist fights. I don't really have an answer for that. There will be fights; there may be fists; but whether or not the two will join together in glorious matrimony you'll just have to see.

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**Chapter 2: Washing the Hands**

"Ha! Hahaha! Ha HA!" laughed Iggy Koopa as he gazed upon his red castle from up top a platform. "My castle is finally almost complete again! I've done a wonderful job with it if I do say so myself!"

"Actually sir," said a random Koopa whose name is actually Stearve after he took his mouth off of the castle. "We've done all of the work. You just sat there playing on that ball of yours all day. Watching you fall off certainly kept our spirits up and all but you could've just used that magic wand of yours and made this a bit easier on us."

"Yeah I think Lugaowi got crushed a while ago. Would've been nice if someone saved him," said another Koopa whose name is irrelevant.

"Isn't he still alive though?" questioned Stearve. "I mean this really isn't that heavy."

"Hurry up already!" whined Iggy. "Hurry up so I can fill this bounce house with tons of balls!"

"Oh I'll fill something with ba–"

But before the Koopa could finish his remark, suddenly the bouncy castle shot up into the air and right at Iggy! Before he even had a chance to react, the castle came flying at him, sending him and the castle flying! Stearve and the irrelevant Koopa looked on, seeing the bus that had somehow ramped up to Iggy and just kept on going. Lugaowi stood up from the crater where the castle used to stand holding a few coins.

"Hey guys, you were right, I totally found like 20 coins down there!" said Lugaowi. The three Koopas laughed and left the scene to spend their new found cash.

Meanwhile, inside the bus, Mario looked upon the scene with confusion. Peach commented, "Mario, you have a little something on the windshield there."

"Yeah this blood looks far shinier than normal," responded Mario. "Hold on, I'll get it off." Upon saying this, Mario jumped out of the side window and stood on the little room on the hood of the bus. He realized this large obstruction resembled a castle and was about to simply push it off until he saw Iggy.

"YOU AGAIN!" shouted Mario with rage. "Oh you are NOT ruining my camping trip. Not this time, Koopa!" With that shout, Mario pulled out a mushroom and used his rage to crush it in his hand, causing his fist to grow 10 times its normal size. As he winded his arm up, Iggy panicked and pleaded with Mario to spare his Koopa life in exchange for the moon bounce he had been working on for weeks. But Mario didn't listen.

"Tell Rosalina I said hi!" said Mario as he sent his fist crashing into the castle, sending it and Iggy into the stratosphere in less than a millisecond. Mario's hand then shrunk back down to its normal size. The bus door opened and Mario jumped into the bus. Peach, now at the wheel, smiled at him.

"While you were outside I bounced us onto some Goombas and got us a few 1-ups!" said Peach happily.

"That's my girl!" said Mario as Peach jumped up to give Mario back the wheel. "But I think we should really figure out a way to hurry up our trip to our destination. We've been traveling all over Dinosaur Land but if we take the path it'll take us days to get to the Forest of Illusion."

"Yoshi! Yoshi Yoshi!" said Yoshi jumping up and down.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," said Luigi reaching into his pockets. "E. Gadd gave me an animal translator the other day saying he finally figured out how to translate the language of Yoshis. He even said he programmed a few dozen accents into it to best adjust to the animal who wore it." Finishing this sentence, Luigi pulled out Animal Transmalator 6000™ cleverly disguised as an ordinary collar with E. Gadd's face on the front of it. Luigi, who was sitting in front of Yoshi, reached back and gave it to him who took it and put it on.

"Yo-yo-Yoshi!" said Yoshi. The collar buzzed for a bit before a speaker coming from the E. Gadd face said in a deep British-sounding voice, "Hello, is this thing on?" Upon hearing this, Yoshi smiled and continued. "Yoshi! Yoshi! Yoshi Yoshi!" said Yoshi. This translated to, "Ah excellent! As I was saying, I know these lands like the back of my hand! There's an underwater current that will take us directly to the Forest of Illusion!"

"Great! Where is this stream?" said Mario as he turned on the windshield wipers to wipe away the dead animals blocking his view.

"YooOoooOshi!" said Yoshi. This translated to, "Based on the time this translates, turn right into the water right this second."

Mario immediately did so, sending the bus careening off of the mountain.

"Waaaaah! Why did we agree to doing this again?!" yelled Wario as they plummeted to the sea below.

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**1 Hour Ago…**

"Camping? What are you, nuts? Why in the world would we want to go camping?!" yelled Wario.

"There will be money." said Mario.

"…Curses," said Wario as he walked toward the bus.

* * *

**Present**

"This is the last time I follow you around for money!" yelled Waluigi.

"Fine by me, that just leaves more for me!" retorted Wario.

"Brace for impact!" said Mario merely seconds away from the bus hitting the water. But when it finally hit, the impact only caused a tiny kerploosh before the bus sunk into the water and the underwater stream swept them up.

"Wow! That wasn't bad at all!" said Daisy in the back of the bus. "So how long will it take us to get to the Forest Yoshi?"

"Yoshiiiii!" said Yoshi. This translated to, "A little over half an hour, good madam. Feel free to enjoy the scenery while we wait." The others looked out their windows at all of the fish swimming around, the various formations of rock and coral, and even the water color paintings completed by both fish and formation alike. It was truly a sight to behold for about 30 seconds.

Mario laughed and said, "Well that sounds boring! Let's liven up this trip with a little mini-game shall we?" Everyone else collectively groaned. "Oh relax guys, this won't be hard. You'll just be catching your dinner. The team that gets the most in two minutes wins the first bag of cash!" Wario started laughing wildly, ready to smoke the competition for that fat bag of cash.

A few seconds later, Mario snapped his fingers and everyone in the bus except for himself and Peach were transported outside of the bus. "We're not competing Mario?" said Peach.

"Nah, we need to watch the bus in case anything happens to it," said Mario. "Besides, it'll be fun watching others get some action for a change, wouldn't you say?"

"No," said Peach. "No, not really."

"Oh. Uh, right. Erm..." Mario then fumbled for the megaphone button to the bus and started to speak. "Alright guys, various enemies will be swimming around the bus. Spears will come out of the bus when everyone's ready to go. Work together in teams of two to get the most points and the bag of gold will be yours! Any questions?"

"Yeah I have one!" said Toad. "Are we just swimming around or will we be getting some type of transportation down here?"

Mario responded, "One of you should be using the spear, the other will be the transportation!" Each team looked at each other a bit confused on what he meant. "Each of you has unique talents, use them to your advantage! You have one minute to prepare before the game begins!"

Luigi looked at Daisy and smirked before tucking his arms and legs and laying on his stomach. "Your Luigi torpedo awaits, princess!" said Luigi. Daisy smiled and hopped on.

"Hopefully this won't be the only time I'll be riding you today!" said Daisy mischievously.

"Keep making jokes like that and you'll lose the bet before it even starts," responded Luigi.

Seeing Luigi and Daisy's setup, Wario and Waluigi looked at each other and nodded. "Those wimps think they can out speed the great Wario huh?" said Wario while twirling his mustache. "We'll show 'em! Hop on!" As he said this, he got into the same position as Luigi and Waluigi jumped on Wario.

"Let's make this a bit more interesting, shall we?" said Waluigi, pulling out an industrial size can of Chuckle Beans, special beans known to drastically increase the speed of the user. He chucked the entire can into Wario's mouth who chewed up the can in a mere five bites. Within seconds, the beans worked their way through his body and gave his body enough gas to fill an atom stink bomb. Small but quick farts escaped Wario's pants, making his butt sound like the engine of a motorboat.

"Wahahaha! Let's smoke the competition!" laughed Wario.

Meanwhile, Yoshi pulled out a Dash Pepper for Birdo to use for the race. Birdo quickly wolfed it down, turning red in the process, but instead of his legs fluttering a lot faster, his mouth just seemed to putter extremely quickly. This was fast enough to propel Birdo to the point where he kept circling around Yoshi while spouting more unintelligible chants of pure chaos. Yoshi sighed and grabbed a hold of Birdo's tail and mouth to keep him from moving and to steer properly.

Finally, 10 seconds before the mini-game began Toadette and Toad finally agreed on their idea for this race. The two of them nodded and bumped their heads together before shouting "Wonder Toad powers activate!" A glow of light surrounded the two of them as the two of them performed a few ridiculously overcomplicated acrobatic endeavors.

"Transform!" said Toadette as she held up her hands. "F.L.U.D.D.!" Suddenly she transformed into F.L.U.D.D.!

"Summon!" said Toad as he held his hands to his sides. "Scuba Helmet!" Suddenly he was wearing a Scuba Helmet! Unfortunately, due to the size of his head the helmet only covered the toadstool part of his head, not his actual face.

Toad equipped the newly mechanized Toadette and gave each other a telepathic high five.

"Woah!" said Peach witnessing this display. "Since when could the two of them do that?"

"I'm not entirely sure myself," said Mario smiling with both confusion and excitement. "Maybe they weren't kidding when they said they were battling an evil wizard?"

"Hm," pondered Peach with pondering. "Well, time's up, we'll just have to ask later."

"Indeed!" said Mario placing his hand on the intercom button again. "Teams, get ready!" As he said this, more and more fish seemed to be drawn to the stream. Four spears jetted out of the bus and into the hands of each of the teams. Daisy gripped hers tight as the spear tip began to ice over, Waluigi grabbed his in one hand and placed his other arm behind his back, Yoshi grabbed his with his tongue, and Toad's transformed into a triple spear, or triear.

"Get set!" said Mario as flags appeared on the sides of the bus. "GO!"

And the four teams were off! Wario's booty hole exploded with gas as Waluigi focused on the enemies in front of him and stabbing his enemies with quick thrusts from his spear. Toad and Toadette shot directly under the bus to grab any fish away from the rest of the crowd. The Green Torpedo stayed by the bus; Luigi charged up his body while Daisy continued to channel ice through her spear. And Birdo continued to go completely off course, making Yoshi's job much more difficult but his expert use of his tongue allowed him to use Birdo's terrible momentum to swing the spear around at full force.

The battle was fierce! Wario's impressive speed allowed Waluigi to stab every Cheep Cheep, Blooper and Rip Van Fish they could get within a straight line. Toad and Toadette swept under the bus, grabbing any enemies that the other happened to miss. Yoshi managed to get as many things as he could with his spear but he more than often hit Birdo and himself in the process due to the straggling movement and distracting chanting coming from Birdo. For the first minute, the three teams continued grabbing fish after fish while Luigi and Daisy continued charging.

Then Luigi shot out at an incredibly fast rate with an ungodly amount of turning ability as he and Daisy swam past enemy after enemy. Daisy chose certain enemies grouped together that when stabbed would cause an icy explosion that stabbed other enemies, getting them more and more points. Yoshi saw this and decided that he would need another approach so he swam Birdo up on top of the bus and held him as he spun in circle. The combined speed of the bus and Birdo's mouth allowed Yoshi to use the spear like a razor sharp top, hitting everything that approached the bus with ease.

This battle went on for another 50 seconds until only one Cheep Cheep remained. Amazingly enough, it was all tied up! The last Cheep Cheep looked upon the horror of the absolute genocide of his friends and family. With all his might, he turned and swam as fast as he could. Mario called out, "First one to kill that Cheep Cheep wins the pot! Mwahahahaha!"

Wario, Luigi, and Toadette all charged up their respective rockets and exploded to grab the last Cheep Cheep. They were all neck and neck. It was anyone's game! They were inches away from slaughtering the poor thing before a spear came rocketing in front of them and stabbed the fish! They all looked back to see Yoshi, triumphantly smiling at his impressively calculated toss.

"Doh, I missed!" said Wario.

"Yoshi and Birdo win!" said Mario from inside the bus. The others sighed while Yoshi completed a victory dance and Birdo looked like he was going to throw up.

The 4 teams were transported back into their spots on the bus and Mario smiled and gave Yoshi and Birdo their bag of coins. "Well that was quite enjoyable! What do you say we-" but before Mario could finish, the bus's alarm went off! He quickly dashed back to his seat on the bus to see a giant Cheep Cheep on their tail.

It was Big Bertha here to avenge the deaths of her children!

"Oh no!" yelled Mario. "Not Big Bertha! We have to get out of here! Now!" Wario from in back of the bus laughed.

"Wahahaha! We just need to outrun him! Get me some money and something hot and spicy and I'll give us a nice boost!" boasted Wario.

"Wait I know what the beans are for, what's the money for?" said Daisy.

"Motivation! My butt runs on money!" argued Wario. As he said this, Birdo threw an egg up onto the floor. It landed and out popped a huge spicy taco with sour cream, cheese, and pineapples!

"Will that do?" said Mario tossing 20 coins over to Wario.

"Of course!" said Wario as he picked up the taco. "Now stand aside peons, time to watch a master blaster at work!" He immediately tossed the taco down his gullet and dashed to the back of the bus. He threw open the bus door where Big Bertha's huge mouth was slowly covering the bus.

"Hope you like leftovers, small fry!" said Wario as his bottom let lose a massive explosion of methane! It not only flew straight into Big Bertha's mouth, forcing her to cry in unimaginable pain, but the explosion caused the bus to rocket upward out of the water and through the sky. Wario's fart continued to propel them through the air, spreading the horrid smell to the waters below, until it ran out 10 minutes later. When it finally ran out, the entire bus plummeted to the lands below, putting them right in the Forest of Illusion.

The bus riders all wobbled out of the bus. Birdo got sick again and threw up another taco. Luigi looked at it and threw up on the taco. Yoshi ate it, chewed it up, popped out another egg, and out hatched another taco. Wario ate it and laughed.

"Urrghhh…" said Toad. "Toadette, can you turn into a barf bag for me?"

"Only if you turn into a hat I can throw up in," replied Toadette holding her stomach.

"Well that was great! We should do that on the way back, wahahaha!" laughed Wario.

"Wahoo! I agree, we made great time! Let's start setting up camp!" said Mario enthusiastically. As he said this, he heard a large roar in coming from the trees. Mario got on guard; he recognized this roar anywhere. Suddenly two trees in front of Mario crumbled as two fists were jammed through them. From the trees came…**BOWSER**!

* * *

Well that was a fun chapter! For anyone wondering, the "Chuckle Beans" are a reference to M&L: Superstar Saga. Good game if you've never played it. Highly recommend it.

Anyway, read and review!


	3. Chapter 3

**Mario Pitches a Tent**

AN: Aaaand we're back! It's been a while, sorry for the delay.

**Chapter 3: Getting the Material**

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**IT WAS BOWSER!**

"Mario!" roared Bowser. "What are you doing here?!"

"That's none of your business, Bowser!" yelled Mario. "We don't want you here ruining things!"

"You're the one ruining my camping trip, bud!" said Bowser. "I don't have time to worry about you! Get out of here, we set up this campsite ourselves and we're going to use it!"

"We?" questioned Peach. "Who's we?" As she said this, the rest of Mario's team saw the bushes rustle behind Bowser. From the bushes popped a Goomba, a Boo, a Koopa, a Hammer Bro and a Bullet Bill.

"Sup," said the Koopa.

"What are THEY doing here?" questioned Mario.

"Yeah," said Daisy. "Don't you have kids? Why are you taking out these random guys? No offense."

"None taken," replied the Goomba.

Bowser shifted a bit, relaxing his stance. "These are just a few of my minions. I decided to take them out on a camping trip!" everyone looked at Bowser with questionable looks on their faces. Especially Waluigi, whose mustache slowly stretched and molded into a question mark. "What? I can't take my minions out on a trip? Is that a crime?"

"Not in my kingdom it isn't," said Peach.

Wario laughed, "What? Since when is torture not a crime? Wahahaha!"

Waluigi laughed with him, saying, "Oohhh! Sick burn Bowser!"

Bowser roared again and breathed a torrent of fire onto the tree next to him, setting it ablaze. Then he lifted it out of the ground and tossed it right at Wario. Mario and the others quickly jumped out of the way but Wario stood his ground. He then opened his mouth wide and engulfed the entire tree, flames and all. After closing his mouth, he smiled as smoke began emerging from his nose and burped up a squirrel.

"Hah! That the best you got?" said Wario, coughing as nuts came out of his nose and into the squirrels paws.

"Yoshi! Yoshi yoshi!" said Yoshi. This translated to, "Alright, break it up you two, we're not here for trouble."

"Yeah," said the Hammer Bro. "Relax king bro! Everything will be cool bro!"

"You have to admit, it is an odd situation," Peach said. "Why are you taking out these guys and not your own children?"

"Rrr…fine," sighed Bowser. "The minions complained that I haven't been giving them enough community benefits. You know, vacations, health insurance, 1 minute breaks, that kind of stuff. So I drove out here with my BV (Bowser Vehicle) decided to take these guys out for camping. Just these guys. I'm not made of money."

"You actually gave into a union?" questioned Mario.

"It was either that or that they all would repaint my castles whenever I was away," said Bowser. "Which is very difficult to get re-repainted when all of your minions are the actual painters. I am NOT painting over rainbow castle. Not again."

Luigi started to say, "that wasn't your mi-" but Daisy covered his mouth up and nodded.

"In any case, my kids are probably off being complete idiots as usual," said Bowser. "They'd probably burn down the forest before we even got our tents up."

Mario commented, "Well if it makes you feel any better, I sent Iggy to 'space camp'." Bowser looked at Mario with a raised eyebrow for a second before Mario held up his fist and gestured upward with it.

"You…punched Iggy into space?" growled Bowser. Mario nodded. Bowser's eyes narrowed, his nostrils flared with smoke, and his fists became as hard as steel. Both Mario and Bowser's teams tensed up, fearing the rage of the evil king.

Suddenly, Bowser erupted into a fit of hysterical laughter! "Bwahahahaha! Well he always did say he wanted to bounce to the moon! Hahahahahaha!" Bowser turned around and put his hand up, saying, "You're alright, Mario! Come on, you can hang out at our campsite tonight, my treat!" Bowser's minions followed him reluctantly, leaving Mario's gang at the bus.

"Well?" questioned Mario. "Should we camp with Bowser? I don't trust him."

"Yoshi! Yoshi yoshi yoshi!" Yosh'd Yoshi. This translated to, "Well we've raced with him, played sports with him, and even partied with him. I say it's fine with me."

"I have no complaints," said Luigi. "Who knows? Might be fun." Daisy nodded.

"Waluigi does not care," said Waluigi. "Waluigi just wants to eat." Wario nodded and burped up another 3 squirrels.

"Yeah sure whatever let's just gooooooo," said Toad.

Mario shrugged and the rest of them followed Bowser as Mario got in the bus to bring everyone's equipment with them.

As the team entered Bowser's camp, he laughed and held out his arms, saying, "Behold! This is how the King of the Koopas camps!" Bowser's camp was a large area complete with tents, a large fire pit in the middle, trees surrounding the area, and a lava moat surrounding his mobile fortress.

So, you know, like every camp site.

"Looks good Bowser!" said Mario as he pulled up in the bus. "Mind if we pitch our tents?"

"Go right ahead!" said Bowser.

And so Mario and the gang unpacked their belongings and set up their tents around the fire with ease.

"Alright!" said Mario. "Let's eat!" He snapped his fingers and from the bus shot out the hundreds of fish they killed earlier.

"Oh good! You brought some food," laughed Bowser. "Stand aside, let a real fire master show you how to cook!"

"Excuse me?" said Mario. "I've been setting your minions on fire for years! I think I know how to cook some fish!"

"Oh yeah? You want to put your money where your mouth is?" said Bowser. Wario's face lit up in excitement.

"I smell duel mini-game! Who wants to place bets?!" said Wario as he ran to his tent. He ran back out of the tent with a bag of cash and a grin so wide it practically looped around his head.

"I got 20 coins on Mario!" said Peach.

"Yoshi. Yohohohoshi." said Yoshi. This translated to, "I will save my money for later. But Mario will win."

"Waluigi? You want in?" said Wario with his hand outstretched.

"Nnnyyeaaaah! I want 30 on Bowser!" said Waluigi, handing Wario the coins.

"We don't have money," said Toad and Toadette together. "We would have if someone had this party 1 hour later!"

"Yeah yeah, pipe down shrimps," said Wario. "Anyone else?" Wario looked around for a few seconds before yelling, "Hey Luigi! Where'd you go? You want in?"

In the distance, Wario could hear a faint, "I'll sit this one out!" from Luigi. He looked to the source of the sound and saw Luigi far away from the campsite. It looked like he was hiding behind it.

"What are you, chicken?" yelled Wario.

"I'm t-taking a l-leak! I'll be there in a m-muuuuaaanite!" stuttered Luigi.

"Wuss," said Wario as he turned back. "Alright! What about you minions? I'll take your mo- I mean bets too!"

"We're grunts dude," said the Hammer Bro. "We don't really get paid."

"I'll put down some dough on Bowser," said the Koopa holding out 20 coins.

"Wait what? You get paid?" questioned the Boo.

"What can I say?" shrugged the Koopa. "I have resources."

"Nice one!" said Wario, snatching up the Koopa's money. "Now I'll put a bit of my own money in the pot," said Wario, taking 10 coins out of his pocket. "Are we all set then?"

"Of course!" said Bowser. "Time for me to prove who can blaze it up the best!"

"Not so fast, Bowser!" said Mario. "If we're going to prove who's the best, why not make it a little more interesting?"

"I'm listening," said Bowser with a raised eyebrow.

"Forget the fish, let's see who can fry something a bit bigger!" replied Mario.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" asked Bowser.

"THE MOON." The two of them stood shocked and turned to the source of the suggestion: Birdo. Birdo's eyes had turned completely black and her mouth was rotating around his head. A low murmur of sound escaped Birdo's lips(?) (AN: Are they lips? Beak? Nose? Mouth hole, that's what I'm calling it now) as if the voices of many were whispering something unearthly horrifying.

"I like this idea!" laughed Wario.

Mario commented, "Well...I was going to suggest maybe burning down a few trees or a meadow or something but that works for me!"

"We both fire at the moon and see who can do the most damage huh? Sounds good!"

"Alright!" said Wario. "Let the mini-game begin!" As Wario said this, the sun was blotted out by an unknown force and the land went dark. After a few seconds, the moon appeared and shined light on the area. Mario and Bowser were now standing on floating platforms high above the trees while everyone else watched from below.

"Hmmmmm..." Mario breathed in slow and held his hands together to focus the fire through his arms.

"Hnnnnghhh..." Bowser clenched his fists together and closed his eyes, feeling the fire begin to well up in his throat.

(AN: Both of these sound horrifying)

"Reaaaaadyyy!" yelled Wario from below. "START!"

A clock with 10 seconds appeared in front of them as the two of them began yelling at the top of their lungs and charging up their inner strength.

"I AM THE BEST AT FIIIIREEEEEEE!" yelled Mario as he pointed his arms up at the moon and fire began to form at his wrists.

"ROOOOOOOOOOARRRR NO YOU'RE NOOOOOOT!" screamed Bowser up at the moon as the fire from Bowser's mouth began forming into a large fireball.

"5 seconds left!" shouted Wario from below them.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled the both of them as their fireballs began to take shape and grow to huge proportions.

"FIRE!"

"YAAAAHOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Mario as the fireball rocketed from his hands straight to the moon.

"GUAAAAARRRAAAAHAAAA!" horked Bowser as his fireball rocketed to the moon.

The two massive fireballs went speeding through the sky and straight into space. The two fireballs seemed to possess the spirit of their creators as they rammed into each other during their ascent. However, a few moments after they entered outer space, the fireballs evaporated!

"What?!" Mario and Bowser both yelled in disbelief. Suddenly, a small bright light appeared in outer space and began slowly descending upon the planet.

"What is THAT?" questioned Peach. Her question was then answered when the bright light suddenly went out and a figure began plummeting down from space.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH! That wasn't supposed to happen!" yelled the mysterious figure.

"It's a person!" said Toad.

"That's not just any person," said Mario. He performed a mighty leap from his platform, jumping 3 miles into the air, and caught the person midfall. "Well well, if it isn't Rosalina!"

"Oh, hello Mario!" said Rosalina. "I got your message a couple hundred light-years away and came as soon as I could!"

"Ah, so you saw Iggy then?" asked Mario.

"Oh, hold on, I'll answer in a second," said Rosalina, pulling out her magic wand. Just as the two of them were about to land into the fire pit, Rosalina waved her magic wand below the two of them to levitate the two of them to safety. That was her plan. Instead, however, she ended up igniting the huge fire pit, setting the two of them on fire as Mario landed.

"AUUGH ROSALINA WHYYY!" yelled Mario.

"AHHH I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW!" screamed Rosalina back.

**10 minutes later...**

Mario sat on a stump, confused and exhausted, after being healed by Peach. Rosalina sat on another one nervously laughing

"What the heck was THAT about?" asked Mario.

"Sorry..." said Rosalina."I'm still kind of rusty at a few things. I swear I didn't mean to set you on fire..."

"You burned away my eyebrows!" yelled Mario.

"How do you think I feel? My poor hair will never be the same..." said Rosalina, gesturing to the singed maze of hair and feathers from the birds she fell through. "I can fix it though!" Rosalina hastily pulled out her wand again and aimed it at Mario.

"Oh no, not again!" Mario quickly scrambled off of his stump.

"No wait!" before she could stop herself, Rosalina fired off a beam of light at Mario, hitting him in the back of his head and sending his hat into the forest.

"Gah! My hat!" yelled Mario. "Now look what you've done!"

"Sorry!" said Rosalina sadly. "I'll get it!"

But before she could do anything, the hat came flying back, landing right in front of Mario. Only now it had a shiny, well-groomed mustache on it.

"You're -AH!- welcome!" yelled Daisy from inside the forest.

"Is that you Daisy?" asked Rosalina.

"Oh yeaaaaahhh!" answered Daisy.

"Oh! Hi Daisy!"

"HIIIIIIIIIIII I'M DAAAAAISY!"

"What is she doing back there?" Rosalina asked Mario. He put on his newly mustachioed hat and shrugged. Then he pointed at his forehead. "Oh, right. One second." With a wave of her wand, she blasted Mario's face and restored his eyebrows to their former glory. The blast even improved the sheen and strength of his 'stache.

"Thanks," said Mario.

"Is everything okay Rosalina?" questioned Peach. "You normally don't have problems with magic…"

Rosalina sat back down and sighed. "Actually, I didn't know a lot of magic before I met you guys. Sure I can pilot the Observatory with a wave of my hand but I couldn't defend it from Bowser."

"Mwahaha!" laughed Bowser. "Even if you had all the power in the universe you couldn't stop me anyway!" Mario looked over at Bowser and smirked. "…Shut up."

"Speaking of that, why exactly is he here?" questioned Rosalina.

"Unions." sighed Bowser.

"I have no idea what that means." Rosalina answered plainly.

"Ignore him, he's no threat to you," said Mario.

"Alright…Well, after you left, I decided to learn more magic to be able to defend myself better. Unfortunately, I didn't have any real way to learn it. I didn't have any books or teachers and anything I tried on my own blew up in my face. A lot. So I travelled from galaxy to galaxy, meeting new people, exploring fascinating worlds, and learning how to use my wand and other mystical items. It was…pretty incredible."

"Yoshi Yoshi! Yo-yo-yo Yoshi!" said Yoshi. This translated to, "Impressive! But if you've learned so much, why are you so rusty?"

"Well…I kind of got distracted. I've been trying to learn a new type of magic for the longest time but no one will help me on it. Every time I ask about it they just run away or yell at me for some reason."

"DARK MAGIC?" screamed Birdo at the top of her lungs.

"N-no…" said Rosalina with a bit of fear in her voice. "Nothing like that."

"Then what?" asked Toad.

"Sexual magic." said Rosalina.

Everyone went quiet.

"What? Is there something wrong?"

"Uhh…why do you want to learn that?" asked Peach.

"Well, I was told it's really powerful in certain situations and tends to make a lot of people happy. Only problem is that I have no clue what this _sex_ is."

The silence continued...

"You...don't know what sex is?" asked Toad. She nodded. "How? Didn't your parents tell you?"

"No...I was too young," said Rosalina sadly.

"What do you mean?" asked Toadette.

"It's...it's complicated. I didn't know my parents very well before leaving the planet...I'd rather not talk about it."

"Well...what about books? Anything from those?" asked Toadette.

"Not that I could understand. I tried asking others people about it but I tended to get pretty bad results. The lumas didn't help either..."

"Hm. I see." said Mario.

"Well?" asked Rosalina, looking around at the group before her. "Can someone help me?"

"I'LL DO IT!" yelled Daisy from inside the forest. Within a few seconds, Daisy came dashing out of the forest, grabbed Rosalina's hand, and dashed to the other side of the forest.

"Hot," said the Hammer Bro.

"Hm," pondered Mario. "Well, since the mini-game ended in a draw, should we cook up these fish and eat?"

"Whatever," said Bowser.

"Finally!" said Waluigi. "Waluigi's so hungry that Waluigi's tongue could run a marathon and bring back a buffalo and slaughter and eat it with nothing but a butter knife and a pocket watch!"

"Yoshi Yoshi Yoooshi..." said Yoshi. This translated to, "No one's every going to leave that alone, are they?"

"Waluigi never forgets."

"Well then, let's get some drinks and then we can eat!" said Mario.

"Oh, I saw a beautiful stream earlier," said Peach. "Toad, Toadette, would you mind going with me to get us some water?"

"Sure, princess!" the two of them said together. The three of them then headed into the forest, passing Luigi on their way to the river.

"Alright, then let's get cooking!" said Mario as he began grabbing fish to put into the fire pit. Bowser sighed and began recharging the fire in his stomach.

"Hey wait a second," said the Koopa. "What about the money from the game? I want my money back!"

"Wahahaha!" laughed Wario. "Little did you know that I, the great Wario, bet on it being a draw! SO I WIN IT ALL!"

"What?! No fair!" said the Boo. "You never even said that out loud!"

"If you wanted fair, you shouldn't have given your money to me! Wahahaha!"

"Yo-ho-hoshi." Said Yoshi. This translated to, "He has a good point."

"Oh no, not this time!" yelled the Koopa. "I've lost enough money to Bowser already! Give me my money back!" The Koopa retreated into his shell and charged at Wario who effortlessly punched the Koopa away from him. This set off the rest of the Koopa's comrades who decided to join the battle.

And so, Wario battled Bowser's minions while Mario and Bowser cooked fish and the rest watched. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.

* * *

Well that was a fun chapter! Next chapter will be up fairly soon, probably in the next few days. Fair warning, the next one contains some saucy material. Nothing too graphic, just nothing you'd want to read at work or in front of your mom. Mom would not be proud.


	4. Chapter 4

**Mario Pitches a Tent**

**AN: **This would be the part where I would respond to something.

**Chapter 4: Unzipping the Pants**

Daisy and Rosalina had run far, far from the camp to a small opening in the forest. It had a few stumps and plenty of shade, the perfect place for the Daisy's 'lesson'.

"Okay! I think we're far enough," said Daisy. "Take off your clothes!"

"Wh-what?" questioned Rosalina, still out of breath from their sprint. "Why -hah- would I need to -oof- do that?"

"The best way to teach you about sex is to show you so take 'em off!" replied Daisy.

"What does being naked have to do with sex!?"

"Well if you do it, I'll teach you!"

"Ehhh...I don't know..."

"Come on, don't you want me to teach you how to plunder your treasure chest?"

"Huh?"

"You know, exploring your woman cave of wonders?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Look, I can't help you program your VCR if you don't help me out here."

"Okay, seriously, what?"

"If you don't cooperate we're never going to ford your river."

"Are we still talking about the same thing?"

"Rosy! Stop stalling so I can show you how to make your pussy purrrrr!"

"I don't have any cats."

"Oh...right...you're not getting any of these because you're from space..."

"You know if you just explained it-"

"Alright, I got it. Don't worry Rosy, soon you'll know how to supernova your star bits."

"That...that sounds painful."

"Are you sure? What about shoving a few planets into your black hole?"

"Eeeeven worse."

"Energizing your launch star?"

"I...I think I get that one but I'm not sure what that relates to."

Daisy facepalmed. "Ah to hell with it. I'm going to teach you how to masturbate, Rosalina."

"Is that sex?"

"Something like that. In any case, you still have to strip!"

"Do I have to?"

"Look, if you're not going to cooperate I'm just going to go."

"Alright alright! Fine..." Rosalina sighed, closed her eyes, and slowly waved her wand around her dress, making it disappear. She crossed her arms under her breasts and opened her eyes. "Alright, let's-" but then she stopped when she saw that Daisy was naked as well! "Wha-? Why are you naked as well?"

"Well you'll be less embarrassed if I'm naked too, right?" said Daisy.

"I wasn't embarrassed, just confused…how did you even get out of your clothes that fast anyway?"

"I…I have a lot of time on my hands, let's just leave it at that. Now sit!" Rosalina complied, resting her back against the stump. "Alright, I don't have to explain to you what a vagina is right?"

"Yeah I think I know that much."

"Okay good. Now I want you to take your pointer and middle finger and shove them all the way in there as fast as you possibly can!"

"That doesn't sound safe..."

"Most sex isn't."

"W-well, if you say so..." Rosalina moved her fingers together and readied them by her lower entrance. She closed her eyes, steadied her hand, and plunged her fingers in as deep as possible.

"Owwww!" cried Rosalina, pulling her fingers out immediately.

"Don't worry, the pain means it's working. Keep going!"

"No no, I hit my fingers on something. It really hurt..."

"Wait what? It should be soft and squishy like the self-esteem of a teenager on the internet. What did you hit?"

"I don't know, I'm not an expert on anatomy."

Daisy sighed. "Alright, spread your legs, I'll check."

"Okay." Rosalina sat back on the top of the stump and opened up her legs. Daisy leaned down and gasped as she peered into her vaghole.

"What…what is this?" asked Daisy. "There's a red ball down here."

"Oh!" exclaimed Rosalina. "I know exactly what that is, let me get it!" With one quick motion, Rosalina shoved her fingers back into her womanly parts, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction. It was a red gem about the size of tennis ball.

"I've been looking for this everywhere!" said Rosalina, wiping off the strands of woman juice.

"What is it?" asked Daisy.

"It's a power enhancer for my wand," said Rosalina, pointing to the empty hole in the center of her wand. "I can use it to cast a whole different array of spells. I don't entirely remember how it got there though. I think I was hiding it from a strange creature who claimed they needed it to survive or something like that. That was many years ago, I can barely remember why I put it there."

"You've had that there for years?!"

"I suppose...Oh! I remember why I put it there now! It was when I was crucified!"

"...WHAT."

"You know, the act of being pelted by stones due to exposure to drugs?"

"...You mean 'stoned', don't you?"

"Aren't they the same thing?"

"Okay, when we're done this I have to explain slang to you."

"I know slang you saughty little hussy."

"..."

"What? Aren't you happy?"

"...moving on, tell me about this enhancer of yours."

"Oh right. It just lets me cast different things. Here, stay still." Upon saying that, she placed the gem into her wand and immediately cast a spell at Daisy. The beam hit her right in the chest, causing her to stumble back a bit. When she regained her balance, she noticed that she felt a bit heavier. She moved her hands around her torso until she realized what had changed; her breasts had increased in cup size!

"D-did you just make my breasts bigger?" asked Daisy, shaking with excitement.

"I believe so!" replied Rosalina triumphantly.

"Congratulations, you're my new best friend!"

Rosalina gasped. She had never had a human best friend before. She barely had human friends to begin with.

"R-really? I-I don't know what to say, wow..." said Rosalina.

"Say you'll cast that biggest bounciful boob beam?" grinned Daisy.

"S-sure! Anything for you, best friend!" exclaimed Rosalina, waving her wand at Daisy once again. However, in her excitement, Rosalina aimed a bit lower which summoned a long, phallic object in the air.

"What's this? A dildo?" asked Daisy, looking over the strange object.

"I don't know. Must've been a mistake, let me get rid of it." Rosalina aimed her wand at the object, causing it to glow. Suddenly the object flew through the air at an incredible speed and drilled itself directly into Daisy's love canal!

"Oh no!" moaned Daisy as she tried to pull the alien device out to no avail.

"Ack! Sorry, let me get that!" said Rosalina, aiming her wand at Daisy. Instead of stopping the device, Rosalina's spell caused the dildo to begin vibrating and spinning inside Daisy like a ferris wheel shifted into maximum overdrive (with turbo!).

"Roooosssyyy!" moaned Daisy, dropping to her knees. "Stop -ah!- this -oh!- thing!"

"Working on it!" yelled Rosalina as she cast another spell. It only fueled the magic drill, making it faster, stronger, and far, far juicier than either of them could ever imagine.

"200! 400!" yelled Daisy as she tried to crawl away from Rosalina.

"I'm sorry! I'm trying!" Rosalina continued to attempt to stop the pain she thought she unleashed on the now drooling princess. Sadly, she seemed to be only good at making things 'worse'. By this point, it took all of Daisy's willpower to sit up against a tree and avoid collapsing from the waves of pleasure crashing down upon her.

"800! 1000! 2000!" Daisy continued babbling as Rosalina continued making things worse. "4000! 8000!"

"Okay! I think I got it!" said Rosalina, casting one last spell. If she was trying to make the dildo somehow even stronger, she succeeded. So much, in fact, that it managed to lift Daisy high in the air along with it.

"1uuuup!" Daisy screamed at the top of her lungs as she experienced a bigger climax than Luke finding out his father was Darth Vader (with turbo!). Nevertheless, it was the most flashy, strange climax Daisy had ever experienced. And as every literary student knows, after the climax is the falling action. The magical dildo disappeared, causing Daisy to fall from the sky.

"I got you, Daisy!" yelled Rosalina running to catch the barely conscious princess. She ran as fast as she could and dove to try and catch Daisy. However, due to her automatic force field that activates if anyone attempts to jump on her, this plan failed. Instead, Daisy bounced off of Rosalina's force field and crashed onto the ground face first.

"O-or not..." said Rosalina meekly."Are you alright?!"

"T-that..." mumbled Daisy, her words slurring together as she slowly picked herself up. "Wasssh..." continued Daisy while turning herself onto her back. "AWEEESHHOOOME!" finished Daisy, collapsing yet again on the ground.

"Wh-what?"

"Sshhooo gooood! Youuuu really know how to shend a gurl to paradishe! You shure you not know how to do that beeefore?"

"Wait...so you're not hurt?"

"Of coursshe not!"

"Why are you talking like that? Are you okay? Do you have brain damage? Oh no I gave you brain damage, didn't I?!"

"Naaahhh! Ah'm faaaaaiiine! Can't move mah legs all thaaaat well but who cares?! Liiiife is guuuuud!"

"Alright, I'm putting your clothes back on and taking you back, we'll continue the lesson when you're not...uh...what was it...'krunk off your rocking chair'?"

"Prrrooobabbly?"

"Yeah...yeah that sounds right," said Rosalina, waving her wand to make her dress magically reappear. She then looked around for a minute or so until she asked, "Uh Daisy? Where are your clothes?"

"I dunnooooooo? Maybe they grew wings and flew away!"

Rosalina sighed and used her magic to clothe Daisy in some of her own pajamas. They weren't Daisy's color and looked a bit tight but they would do. "Good, I guess. I did good," said Rosalina to herself.

"You shuuuure did, best frriiieeend!" laughed Daisy. Rosalina couldn't help but smile at those words as she prepared to take her disabled friend back to camp. It was a good day for her.

**10 minutes later…**

Rosalina walked up next to Luigi who was currently looking over the situation. Mario and Bowser were currently throwing fireballs back and forth at each other while Wario, Waluigi, and Bowser's minions laughed and cheered them on.

"What'd we miss?" asked Rosalina.

"Wario and Bowser's union got into a battle but it was over pretty quickly," said Luigi. "The Hammer Bro and Bullet Bill make a good team. Wario then gave the Koopa back his money (but kept everyone else's) and then they all put another bet on the fight between Mario and Bowser."

"Yo-mo-ho-mo-hoshi!" said Yoshi. This translated to, "Rather barbaric, wouldn't you say?" Birdo nodded then went back to attempting to pick up the tree she stood in front of to prove his manliness.

"Whhhy are Mario and Booowwwowowser fightin'?" asked Daisy.

"The same reason the sky is blue," said Luigi.

"Because molecules in the air scatter blue light from the sun more than they scatter red light?" said Rosalina. Daisy and Luigi looked to Rosalina who was grinning widely from her accomplishment of common knowledge.

"...Yes?" said Luigi.

"Alright!" cheered Rosalina. "I am, as they say, on fire today!"

"Speaking of hot, how'd the lesson go?" asked Luigi.

"We didn't really get to finish it but I think it went well. She seems happy." said Rosalina.

"Is she alright?" asked Luigi, watching Daisy thrash around in Rosalina's arms like a monkey addicted to getting other monkeys addicted to crack.

"Probably." answered Rosalina.

"Yoshi yoshi! Yo-yo-yoshi!" Yo-yoshi'd Yoshi. This translated to, "Hey, I think I see Toad and Toadette returning!" Surely enough, Toad and Toadette were slowly walking back with something in their hands.

"What are they carrying?" asked Rosalina.

"Am I the only oooone who thinksh thoshe look like breastststs?" asked Daisy. Luigi chuckled.

"A-almost there! Come on!" said Toadette.

"Hang in there!" said Toad.

Upon getting closer to the fire, Mario and Bowser stopped fighting upon seeing what the Toad Twins were carrying. The rest of the group turned as well to witness the spectacle. Toad and Toadette dived from out of their cargo before it crushed them, hitting the ground panting and gasping. Upon dropping the heaving piles of flesh, the owner was tossed over top of them, Princess Peach.

Everyone's eyes widened. Upon seeing the princess, it was clear what Toad and Toadette had to carry: her breasts. Somehow, Princess Peach's breasts had become so huge that they were twice the size of the Statue of Liberty's breasts!

"Guuuuyyysss!" whined Peach. "Little heeeelllp?!"

* * *

THIS IS FILLEERRRRR.


End file.
